Desiree

On a chilly October night Cristina Suarez had given birth at the tender age of 21 to a beautiful girl named Desiree. The life she imagined for her was magnificent and full of happiness, she kissed the infant and prayed for her and though her husband, Desiree’s father, had left her with her newborn, she smiled for she knew that he would come back and stay by his family to help raise this child. But he never came back, still Cristina had hope. Soon hope turned to hate, hatred for herself for chasing away a good man. It was the only explanation she had. For surely her husband didn’t feel happy in his situation and though he was to be a father, the thought of it sickened him and he did not feel any love for his creation.
When the child would ask for her father, Cristina simply said, “He simply could not love us so he left us, he was a good man.”
To which the Child replied.
“But mommy, how come I never see him, why doesn’t love me”
“He wasn’t ready, but he was a good man”
“But mommy, you told me several times that you weren’t ready to be a mommy, but when you saw me, you knew you were going to love me, why didn’t Daddy”
“Well he never saw you, he didn’t come to the hospital, but he was a good man.”
Desiree was confused by this, at such a young age to accept this idea that a good man is one that doesn’t take responsibility for what he does. But she accepted it, and it seemed to be the beginning of things that were encouraged to one gender but shunned upon another that wouldn’t make sense and cause damage amongst people.
“But he is a good man.” Cristina reassured her daughter
And so that’s the day Desiree learned what a man was and how he should act. This would later tell her that a good man is a non-existent one. Desiree, growing up thinking that way, eventually decided not to search for what cannot be found, especially if it put her at risk of being torn apart.
Fast forward to a 21 year old Desiree, a disillusioned human and a loner, her mother, now married, completely void of her daughter’s struggles of modern society, is content with her new marriage and new outlook on life. Unfortunately Desiree has become too involved with the disturbing worldly outlook, to even consider getting personal in a sexual level with someone who was trained to think in such a hypocritical way.
The young girl attends school, works part time in clinic and is single, a virgin, and completely disgusted with many of her male and female peers.
“I see girls every day struggling to impress promiscuous guys and when they do, they find out they are really what they say they are. Promiscuous men, ready to slander you the minute you give them what they want. And then these girls are stuck wondering what the hell happened. You were stupid, that’s what happened.”
Though Desiree herself never put herself in such a position, she was often called names for sticking up to her male peers disgusting behaviors in college.
“Brandon, you had no right to put that girls naked photo up, she give you permission, what the hell is wrong with you, do you have any kind of sense”
“Fuck off slut”
Desiree was taken aback by his comment and it seemed she was alone among most of her peers. Unfortunately there wasn’t such a thing as privacy everyone seemed to cheer Brandon on his actions.
“He is being applauded for this. Does this mean he is above consequences for deception”
Apparently not, as it is never wise to trick the daughter of a prominent judge. The girl in question, who was skyping with Brandon when she had sent him the suggestive photos of herself, found out where he was a student at and threatened to sue. With word quickly spreading of his actions, his fraternity’s name was slightly disgraced and in fear of what the girl’s very influential father might do to tarnish their reputation, had Brandon dropped.
But still, the first reaction Brandon received was a applauding reaction, setting off a very confused moral to this story.
Desiree would further be confronted with this confusion when she encountered her father, the one who didn’t want to be a father, with his new girlfriend and child. She couldn’t even say Hi to him when she had seen him in the street one day, immediately recognizing him form an old picture her mother gave her, without him shooing away her away, sending her back to her weeping mother, who’d had witness the child abandonment right in front of her eyes and was subjected to threats if he was ever to be contacted again.
The good man her mother praised was a monster. But that was what a good man was to be, from what Desiree had learned.
At least the divorce lawyer her mother had gotten was good enough to have her father pay a large amount of child support.
“Spending that money felt so empty at times however”
Desiree had thought to herself.
“There is no price for silence”
She was 21, and almost set to graduate, never had a boyfriend, this generation of men where little responsibility was taken and contradicting lifestyles were used, disillusioned her, this generation of men where little responsibility was taken and contradicting lifestyles were used, disillusioned her having any part of this new generation. She’s seen too much, experienced too much, was aware of too much.
Besides, Desiree firmly believed that having a sexual relationship, was exposing yourself to shame and scrutiny, and for those reasons, Desiree vowed to stay a virgin, untouched and unaffected. Sex was just too evil for a female to engage in.
“You could probably say I have daddy issues, but truth is all my experience with my father shunning me as I tried to run up to him with open arms, bragging about his new life, and how I wasn’t a part of it was my first taste of the truth in this world.” These were Desiree’s words, when trying to cope with her fear of committing social suicide because of her surrender to intimacy
It was a warm Friday, the beginning of summer be exact. Lately, as the her final year in college was approaching its end, Desiree’s usual plans for Friday night consisted of working on her papers and applying for scholarships and researching what Graduate school a future Forensic Psychologist should attend. Desiree’s Professors mostly felt her intelligence was suited for a career in psychology and she herself was very fond of analytical work.
But this Friday would be different.
Desiree was invited by one of her classmates to a fraternity party. Something she would never even consider going to. However, this time, with much coaching from a certain girl who invited her. Marnie, a very popular sorority member on campus, whose gleeful invitation made it hard for Desiree to decline.
She would not make it home that evening.
With her mother’s eye wide open and curiously clocking her, Desiree searched through the middle age woman’s closet and took out a very trendy and short summer dress.
“I just bought that”
Cristina said, uncertain still of why her daughter was going out”
“I know, it’s pretty cute, I think I’ll pair it with those strappy sandals, bought but never got a chance to wear. What do you think?”
Desiree glanced at her mother, waiting for some advice.
“I think that you are finally trying to socialize more, and I like it, you would look very pretty”
Desiree smiled, knowing that her mother was always worried about her social skills and lack of relationships; she could see some relief beam through her mother’s face.
She curled her hair, which was usually dead straight, used makeup that she bought but never touched, and sprayed all the right areas with a light fruity scent. She looked at herself in the mirror and could already see her beauty shine through her big smile. She was confident about tonight.
“Bye mom, have fun tonight, hopefully Joey doesn’t come out too late”
“Oh well I’m actually meeting him now at the restaurant in about a half hour, you look very beautiful by the way.”
Cristina pushed back her daughter’s hair behind her ear.
“Just promise me you will be careful, don’t drink too much and if you have any problems call my cell or your stepdad’s cell, do not hesitate”
Desiree nodded “Don’t worry I’ll be careful”
“Please” Her mother pleaded
Because, I don’t want to have to cause a scene at college party. You know sneaky these frat boys can be” Cristina chuckled.
Desiree slipped into her denim jacket and flashed one more smile at the mirror.
“Oh yes mom, I do know.
Desiree got several of blocks away from Marnie’s house. The walk was long, but what did she expect, the neighborhood that Marnie lived in was gated and filled with rich people and their snotty children. She didn’t even know how Marnie managed to have a large party without neighbors complaining about the noise of pop music and drunken young adults.
Desiree’s tired feet finally reached the huge home of the popular sorority girl. It had a very large porch which was decorated with a very pretty vintage looking chair swing and lots of floral adornments. Before Desiree could admire the rest of the front of the house, a stumbling intoxicated girl popped out the front door and vomited on the stairs, a young man, presumably her boyfriend, came snatching her up and apologizing repeatedly to a girl waving her heads in frustration behind him. It was Marnie, her expression immediately changed upon seeing Desiree, she hopped with her heels over the girls vomit and greeted Desiree with a hug.
“Hey what’s up, I’m so glad you made it” her hug was tight, Desiree could smell the rum on her breath.
“Thank you for invited me” Desiree said gratefully.
Marnie, took her by the hand and lead her into the house. Desiree had to step over the other girl’s vomit.
“Sorry girl, some people just can’t hold their fucking liquor as well as others”/
Desiree nodded her head and upon entering the house was overwhelmed by the smell of beer, cigarettes, and tons of strong perfume and cologne.
Most of the party goers there were easily recognized as members of the Greek Life , others were also part of small sub cultures in her school such as the cheerleader and certain players from the football team, then Desiree noticed people like her, people who truly attended school to learn and little else.
“Would you like a drink babe”
Marnie pointed to the kitchen.
“I really don’t drink” Desiree said hesitantly.
“But I guess I could go for one”
“Cool just go to the kitchen and grab one”
Desiree waited for a second, thinking that Marnie was going to lead her, but all Marnie did was point. So, eventually Desiree followed the direction of her pretty polished finger.
She walked into a very large kitchen, walls were black and white checkered and the floor looked so shiny and polished. Desiree turned to the bar in the kitchen. It was decked out with different liquors, some Desiree had never heard of before. The kitchen sink was full of ice and beer. Never really having been a heavy drinker, Desiree was perplexed. She really didn’t know what to choose.
“Need Help”
Desiree smiled before turning around to see a familiar face. There stood Brandon, with beaming eyes glaring at Desiree. She stared at him in supposed shocked manner, of course she’d knew he’d be there.
“Oh Hi”
Brandon lifted his red plastic cup in response.
“How are you” She asked
Desiree hadn’t seen Brandon since his suspension, but she knew the obvious answer to that question, being kicked from a fraternity because you messed with a judge’s daughter wasn’t exactly the highlight of Brandon’s life.
“Good, good, so what do you drink?”
Desiree once again looked at the selection; before she could answer Brandon was already picking out a cup and mixing rum and coke together.
“Here’
He hands her the cup
“It’s just soda and rum, it’s sweet and for someone like you who doesn’t seem to drink, it’s perfect”
Desiree stared at the cup; she didn’t know why this guy was being so nice to her.
Well she kind of did knew.
“Thanks, that’s very nice of you”
“Well despite what you think, I am a nice guy, I just make dumb decisions”
Desiree had no problem believing that.
An hour and three more servings of rum and coke later, Desiree had found herself in an expected deep conversation with Brandon. He talked about his regret, no longer being a Greek, the threats from his victim’s family, among other quarrels he was having in life. Desiree patiently listened to all of them.
She had looked at the time and let out a big yawn. She was tired and bored, listening to Brandon whine wasn’t as interesting as he might have thought it was.
“Thanks for letting me vent, I mean, I really appreciate it.”
Desiree smiled. “No problem”
Brandon leaned in closer to her. Desiree expected this, she didn’t fight it, as bad as she wanted his lips away from hers,  she let him slide right next to her. Maybe it was the drinks, but Desiree wasn’t keeping her usual guard up as Brandon put his arm around her waist. Still she shivered and cringed at his touch. It was too much, but she kept thinking about other things, she vowed she wouldn’t freak out.
“You’re a really nice girl, I would like to talk to you more”
“I’d like that too” Desiree was so close to his face right now. She could smell the strong rum.
All sudden the light headed feeling was kicking in now. Brandon placed his head on Desiree’s shoulder now, she leaned back against the wall, his weight pressing against hers.
“Brandon maybe we should go outside, it’s kind of hot in here”
Desiree felt like she needed fresh air, her head started to hurt, the music and stench of soon to be hung-over adolescents didn’t make it better.
Brandon rose up and took Desiree with him. He proceeded to drag her tired body up the stairs of Marnie’s home. Desiree didn’t protest. Brandon’s grip on her was strong.
“Let’s go upstairs and try to relax for a bit”
Desiree tried to talk, but a huge yawn came out instead. She felt like she had no choice but to let Brandon lead her.
“Can we at least go to a room with a window?”
When they got up the stairs, Brandon leaned against one of the Bedroom door and pushed it open.
“there’s your window” He pointed with a sloppy finger to a balcony. It was Marnie’s parents’ bedroom.
He didn’t hesitate; he threw Desiree as hard as he could on the bed.
“Hey what are you doing, you can’t” But before Desiree could finish, Brandon had already jumped on top of her, clawing at her shirt, biting her neck and putting a hand around her throat.
“Get off” Desiree whimpered, she turned to the side and tried to push Brandon off of her. She smacked him hard in the face, which took him by surprise.
Brandon then punched her in face, causing her nose to bleed.
“STOP” Desiree screamed.
But his grip around her neck got tighter, Desiree’s throat desperately waiting for the air to escape. Then his grip loosened. She took her opportunity and struck Brandon in the face again, and she pushed him off of her and ran to the door. She tripped. He came to his senses and grabbed her by her hair, blood trailing from her nose, and threw her on the bed yet again.
But, Desiree her strength rising, and Brandon’s aggression lowering, through his hard kisses and creeping hand going up her skirt sent fear and anxiety flooding through her brain. She never was in this position before, it hurt bad., she punched him one more time in his stomach, pushed him off and headed straight to the door yet again, noticing the blood on her hand. She ran out the room as fast as she could, with her cell phone in hand, having already dialed 911. The party goers all witnessed her frantic look, her bloody nose and her clothes, all disarrayed. Then Brandon came, stumbling out, as people gasped around him. His appearance for the most part was immaculate. Except for the blood on his shirt, complete with him holding a pocket knife. Brandon tried to run toward Desiree, knife in hand, but was stopped several of the guys there. Several minutes after, Brandon passed out unconscious on Marnie’s second floor.
The police really couldn’t come soon enough. When they arrived, they recorded several witness testimonies stating that they heard Desiree scream in the room, though they didn’t bother to intervene. Others, such as Brandon’s best friend, admitted to supplying Brandon with the date rape drug he placed in Desiree’s drink. Marnie, shaking from the whole ordeal, stared at Brandon’s dead body, being carried away in a stretcher. The knife did some damage, along with the enormous amounts of alcohol he consumed. Of course Brandon should have known that, it was his own pocket knife.
Desiree, claiming self-defense, told her side, he tried to rape her at knife point. Which partly was true, the only thing was, Desiree had felt the knife in Brandon’s pocket when he dragged her up the stairs, and had taken it. Brandon was too intoxicated to notice.
He also was too intoxicated to realize, Desiree had switched drinks.
“Marnie, your boyfriend would still be alive, had you both not planned to retaliate against me”
Desiree thought, as she looked straight at a weeping Marnie through the shaken crowd.
“I told you before I didn’t rat Brandon out to his fraternity, you didn’t listen, you chose to try and hurt me instead. I guess I really can’t blame you, you and Brandon are a product of this demonizing society.”
Desiree glared at Marnie now, shaking her head and wondering why Marnie would ever be stupid enough to agree for her boyfriend to take advantage of Desiree.
“At least that’s one thing we all have in common, we’re both a product of our society”
Marnie’s head turned to Desiree, even though they weren’t close to each other, Marnie seemed to have felt the heat from Desiree’s eyes and she stared, still visibly traumatized.
“One way or another” Desiree smirked and the police led her to the car to be taken down to the precinct and file a report against the attacker she’d slain.

“See mom, I know exactly how these Fraternity boys can be, just imagine how many times I can do this… and get away with it”

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